We've all heard that trials in our lives are, or can be, blessings in disguise. I know that blessings can be trials in disguise. (Parents, can I get an AMEN?)
This year I had a particularly difficult trial that I'd like to share. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the lessons therein.
Through the summer I had been coping with lower back pain. I had a lot of soreness, stiffness, etc. It was pretty bad at times, and not so bad others. During a week of vacation time while Julie was at Education Week my back was quite sore,(enough to keep me from accomplishing much) and I was having some pain in my right leg. It was enough to be bothersome, but it was only when I was sitting or driving. (Oh yeah, I drive for a living.) The following week, the game completely changed!
On my 2nd night back to work the pain was bad enough that I left work early. Once at home I was walking around, doing things just fine. It still only hurt when I sat. When I awoke the next morning and put my feet on the floor, the closest I can come to describing what I felt would be lightning streaking down the back of my right leg. I fell to the floor and crawled to the bathroom.
I had heard of Sciatica before, but never realized how debilitating it can be. For the next 4 days I only left my recliner to use the bathroom, and had to crawl to do that. I actually chose to go thirsty and hungry in order to reduce the need for those trips. After a few days I was able to stand, stooped way over, to walk very short distances. (50 feet) But it was excruciating to do so.
I was diagnosed with a significantly herniated disc (10mm) that was pinching my Sciatic nerve root. I was advised that the preferred treatment was a combination of pain management, muscle relaxers, therapy, and time. I was prescribed Percocet (narcotic), starting seeing a chiropractor 3 times a week, and began getting epidural steroid injections. This course of treatment would prove ineffective and after 8 weeks I was given a test to check for nerve damage. That test is called an EMG, and would fit right in a torture chamber. It indicated nerve damage and on Oct. 5 I was referred to a neurosurgeon. Every surgeon I called was scheduling new patients for late November to January. (Can you imagine, I would STILL be waiting) Through what I am convinced was Divine Intervention, I was able to schedule an initial consultation for October 18.
During this timeline, much more happened that made this an experience I will never forget, and hope to never repeat.
Percocet contains a high level of acetaminophen, which is hard on the liver. I have a history of high liver functions, and was therefore concerned. About 5 weeks into the ordeal I began feeling 'yucky'. It got steadily worse until I was feeling quite sick much of the time which made the overall experience much worse. On Sunday October 16, while at church, I was not only feeling sick, but experiencing a lot of anxiety and restlessness. I had literally been poisoning myself. It seemed like things were closing in around me and I ended up having an emotional breakdown in the clerk's office while getting a blessing from my bishop and High Priest Group leader.
I decided to stop taking the pain medication, knowing the pain would be intense. What my doctor had failed to inform me of is that even when using narcotics responsibly, which I had been, there would be withdrawal symptoms if quit. For the next 72 hours I had all the pain of the pinched Sciatic nerve, the sickness from the drugs, AND the withdrawal symptoms from having quit cold turkey. I only slept about 3 hours total in that time. The withdrawals made it nearly impossible to remain still and the injury of course made moving around very painful. Those long sleepless nights were the darkest times I can recall. I cried, literally, to the Lord like never before.
I saw the surgeon and he agreed to operate. He had 2 open times in his schedule. One was only 6 days away, and the other would have been month later. Fortunately I was able to get all the pre-operative requirements done in time to schedule for the first one. I had surgery on October 24th that has, so far, been successful.
I've come to believe that it was no accident that all those different factors converged to bring me to rock bottom when they did. I know the Lord's hand was in it. I've spent hours contemplating what I was supposed to learn from this and praying that it wouldn't be lost on me. I have some ideas and feelings with which I'm still wrestling. I also have a strong feeling that there will be an event or experience later on that will offer understanding and clarity.
I know I will be more compassionate to others' suffering. That's a good thing.